Purging is a Natural Part of Transformation
- You switch skincare products and your face breaks breakout
- You change your dog’s food and he yacks a little bit
- You move a plant to a bigger pot and it goes limp for a few days
All of these showcase our most natural reaction to change: resistance. Even when we want the change –almost especially if we initiated it– it is completely normal to feel that build up of panic and avoidance during the transition. I’ve now taken to calling this period of time purging. [Because naming experiences can neutralize them.]
What is Purging?
Purge is defined as “an act of removing by cleansing; ridding of sediment or other undesired elements” or “to become pure or clarified”. You can see how in order to move forward, you have to dredge up the thoughts and feelings you may be ignoring and look them in the face. These feelings are just expressions of pieces of you that want to be heard. Specifically, they are asking you for something – often some sense of safety. When you listen to what these feelings want, you’ll find that most times you can offer a solution that soothes the panic.
Huge plus about purging is that it is not forever. Fear and resistance are merely expressions of a shock to your system. The brain is built to keep us safe, that is its primary function, which is why even positive change can feel like a threat. For the brain, uncertainty is one of the biggest risk factors to be avoided at all costs. Studies have shown that in companies going through big organization restructuring, employees who know they’re being laid off have lower stress levels than employees that are explicitly told they have an 80% of keeping their job. Part of the reason for this is because once we know what is coming, the brain can make a plan of action and gather some sense of control.
The above is useful to keep in mind when the brain seems to sabotage you while you’re having your phoenix from the ashes moment. From your brain’s perspective, it’s not sabotage, it’s protection! I would imagine it’s pretty upsetting when this entity is just trying to help and you keep ignoring or chastising it for doing so. You can work with yourself and explore what the need behind the fear is.
How to Deal with Resistance of Change
For people who like a framework to follow, this is how I experience the cycle:
- Embark on a transformation
- Experience the purge thoughts and feelings (ack!)
- Breathe
- Ask that fear and resistance what it wants
- Listen and determine what solutions you’re willing to offer/commit to
- Breathe ! And take another step toward the reality you’re creating
Of course, this whole process is easier read than done. Each person has a different capacity for how much they can interact with emotions. For folks who experience rumination, it can be easy to spend too much time in steps 4 & 5. And people often try to use this as permission to intellectualize their feelings rather than actually letting them flow through the body.
Not to mention, sometimes you can’t or don’t want to give the feeling exactly what it is asking for. In those instances, drill down into the underlying desire and brainstorm different ways to fulfill the need.
Example conversation I’ve had with myself:
Once you increase your tolerance for this process, you’ll find you can move through the purge more quickly. Not that everything has to be quick, but it’s nice to identify the source of the resistance and be able to move past it efficiently.
So the next time you decide to experiment with a new business opportunity, and your brain shows you the worst case scenario of possibilities, you know this is the purge period.
When you’re invited to apply to a completely aligned speaking event and procrastinate until the literal last millisecond, you recognize this is resistance as reaction.
When you meet someone who you want to befriend and your internal dialogue sours, you can patiently wade through until it’s out of your system.
It is the way you choose to hold yourself through these purges that dictates how much they affect you (and for how long). You get to compassionately hold space for these feelings while shepherding your body and mind towards the transformation you seek.
One benefit of the newsletter is that I embed the audio version of the post, so you could have me read all these words direct into your ears :}
